PayneInTheCulo

You ever wanted to express yourself in great detail to someone you dislike? Yet to do so could be putting your life in jeopardy. When I say “life in jeopardy” I include your job, family things along that line. So does that make us fake? We pretend to appreciate this person even give compliments at times. Is this for the bigger picture? So does that make us fake though? Of course we don’t want to lose our job or hurt our family yet I feel we now create a new problem. This problem I call it and I quote an “inner dispute”. We have to be something we are not in order to continue receiving what we feel is necessary. Once again…does that make us fake? What is fake D’Arcy? You may ask. It all depends on perspective as my bro Otto and I talk about daily. Fake can be ego driven. Who the fuck cares if you think I am fake. Why bother yourself with how others see you? Do you go work for me? Can I borrow a rack from you whenever? If no, 🌵 you homie. Do we live for ourself or for others’ perception of ourselves. Fake can also be our defense mechanism. In order to stay on the boss’s good side, we transform into what they want us to be. In order not to be a victim in many neighborhoods, you must fake tough (I have met many of these people, myself included). However fake to me comes from within. I won’t say pride or ego. I feel more so it’s the reason for your existence. It’s what makes you the person you were designed to be (where that comes from derives from what you believe in , I can’t or won’t stress that issue). You eat shit from a person you know you can knock the fuck out if may be. You bury morals in order to please others. This is the fake that makes you lay in bed at night wide eyed. This is the fake that kills you slowly. You slowly lose yourself, beliefs. Shiiiiiiiiiit (Clay Davis voice) you may even lose your taste in certain foods due to losing your identity. Yes‼️ You still have the job. Yes‼️ You have gotten that raise. Yes‼️You got every weekend off. But who are you? Can you look at yourself off the wake up and be proud of yourself? The scary (yes Bigs it’s scary) part is you may even say yes to these questions when you know it’s not true. It is utterly amazing what we can make ourselves believe (really is). If this is the case, that’s the worst type of fake known to existence IMO anyway. Let’s get it going… Are we killing our true being for a valid reason? I get it‼️I truly do‼️ We got rent to pay, kids to raise, “goals” to accomplish. I get it‼️ Is this the bigger picture though? Why is it like this? Who said this was the “right” way? Think about all the shameful things you have done. Was it really worth it? Did that instant gratification sincerely make you a better person? So once again I ask: does this make us fake? I feel it does. The way the world spins, you have two extreme options. You either completely lose yourself or stay absolutely grounded. Depending on many factors, luck being one, staying grounded is ideal IMO. I just told my co worker how dumb and nasty my boss looks. Then I go buy her lunch? What??? It is really eye opening how many people want the truth but in their own terms. As I write this it dawned on me: we were born into a game that the rules vary depending on who playing. “Get down or lay down”…”Can’t beat them, join them”…”Fake it to you make it”…! Do I even have a choice as to playing by my own rules? Change is scary. I’ll say terrifying for a person trying to hold on to whatever power they have left. Change is also an up hill battle. It won’t come quick nor will it come easy. Do I have that kind of time? Should I just quit my job and let fate take over? That notion is scary as shit…but it has happened numerous times. Success stories all have one thing in common, they took that leap from their safety net. Of course many was hit or miss but they missed until they hit…with determination. We all would love to take this leap if we knew we would be saved. Isn’t that the point though? The unknown? So does this make us fake? I ask again. Could it be strategic? Play the game while staying true to yourself? Build the foundation until you can make your own rules? Balance right bro? It’s easier to say you will skip meals then to actually do it. I guess with this confession…we are fake to an extent. Or is fake one size like murder? No matter why he was killed, he still is dead. Once fake, always fake? Balance bro, balance…!!