PayneInTheCulo

You ever been on the train and catch multiple people staring at you? What is it? Is it my outfit? How I look? My singing along to songs? (not aloud of course, well sometimes) I tend to forget, or maybe by habit, that everyone has a story on this train cart. Everyone looks the same at 7 am believe it or not. That face that says “another day, another dollar”. To see a smile this early on the MTA is as rare as the truth these days. We all are going to work to be able to maintain our lifestyle(cold hearted facts). I personally cannot ride the train comfortably without my music or someone to speak to. If both of these variables ( 🌵 math) are missing, it becomes a train ride in which I end up staring at random people. It always amuses me when you catch people staring to turn away when you look back. Maybe if the train fare was still 1.50…

Maybe if the work week was shorten to four days. Maybe if we actually liked our job, more smiles would be given this early. It’s as if we use this train ride to rid ourselves of our despair. We prepare ourselves to walk in through those doors- Good Morning. Hey, how are you? We tell ourselves “it’s Friday” in order to put that smile on. Yet we all know how fast the weekend passes don’t we? Who says it has to be like this though? Why work at a place where your only concern is that check coupled with weekends? I can share some input because that it is exactly what I’m doing. In the most honest answer I give is: safety. Shit not even Jesus was safe, how the hell (bars) can we be safe? I speak safety as knowing you have a steady income. Knowing you have a “power” base. I say that to say this- many of the wealthiest people laugh at playing it safe. You cannot achieve financial freedom by “playing it safe”. However this is for another read, let’s get back to staring at each other. I tend to notice I judge(sorry) people when I stare. I feel as if I’m breaking them down: hair, face, etc. Why the looks right? I feel we stare to substitute actually speaking to that person. Then we assume and before you know it, we all posses a gavel. Let’s talk. Ask questions. Attractive and interested, let’s go out. It is as simple as pressing send which has become our way of interaction. I personally miss facial expressions. I actually appreciate awkward moments because it reminds me how different/similar we are. I know how difficult this can be from first hand experience. I think about every negative answer I can receive before I even look at you. Am I only the one? The only way to overcome stares and looks is to actually practice. It’s fucking frightening‼️ I promise you‼️ The reward however changes you (for the better..much much better). You will be told no. You will be looked at in a way you literally cannot grasp why. You will feel like a “weirdo” (whatever that is). You will doubt yourself as to why make the attempt. You will feel as if you are not good enough. These things WILL happen. The way I looked at it (even when I was losing hope): it NEEDS to happen. You must find yourself. Your comfortability levels. Your strengths as well as your weakness is very important. Once you become comfortable with yourself in all aspects, everything else is just desserts. Let’s stop staring and assuming. Let’s stop the what ifs. Let’s talk to each other verbally in unlimited characters. Don’t be scared of rejection or people looking at you “funny”. Tell yourself (it really works) this WILL happen. If you accepted this, only you can make yourself feel “a way”.🌵 the nonsense. Life goes on. As my man FITTY (newspaper lingo) said “joy wouldn’t feel so good, if it wasn’t pain”…!!